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Spitting red.

When you love somebody and you bite your tongue, all you get is a mouth-full of blood.


Celia Joyner September 23 at 8:56pm
soft hair and a velvet tongue
I wanna give ya what you give to me
and every breath that is in your lungs
is a tiny little gift to me
is a tiny little gift to me

I didn't feel so bad 'til the sun went down
then I come home
no one to wrap my arms around
wrap my arms around



Celia Joyner September 20 at 11:22pm
They fall sliently screaming from my lips.
They fall gently in the covers, and to the floor.
falling before, falling behind.
Smashed into a million pieces, too many to pick up.
Ive gathered what fits.
Because falling is not whats falling, because in falling I exisit.

Sep. 17th, 2010

I wish you knew how hard I try.
I wish you know how hard I really tired to make you happy.

Im not drowning.

You think you can come in here and tell me whats black is white, and whats white is black.


Im not drowing.

I miss you.
The part that catches lyrics, as I count the cars as they pass by.
You might be the only one that can crawl into the interior spaces of my solitude and understand the darker places I keep. 
 I grow on the outside, my exterior flurishes these days. Sunshine keeps me warm, and I seem to only seek what I need, no more. Its nice to understand a love that needs air to breathe.

Doesnt mean that I still dont feel that pull from inside on heartstrings I cant cut.



Lie down.
My pockets are empty.

I have done nothing that I should have in the past week as far as bettering "me"
-No groceries
Dont have money for them. Who needs them.

Cubbards are bare, mother.
Your stomach is full child.

Sure doesnt feel like it.

Aug. 14th, 2010


Different direction.

opens doors.

You have no idea the impact you had.

erase. erase. erase.



Run like you did the first time.

That empty space you cant fill, those fleeting thoughts, that girl in your arms is and will always be a tad colder than me.

You wanna walk that road alone. Fine. Please allow me to map the way.... when you get to the end and fall to your knees, with bloody and blistered feet, turn around and look at me.
Look at me in the damn face and tell me that it was worth it.

I want to believe that your heart will find a fit. It will be easy and profound. Not complicated and forced. It will happen in the right time, and have astounding affects on the people around you. You will intergrate within eachothers lives simply. She wont ask of you more than you can give, and inturn you will be able to give her love the way she needs it.
I believe this will happen.

"You should go now"

Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters

A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night
May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright

If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallow'ed ground



Paper cups only hold water for so long. Wear me through to the soggy bottom. Settle this film over my translucent heart. I wish for wings and hearts to hold the true colors you imagine them to be. The truth is hearts bleed a rusty brown, and wings are usually just gray.
Oil-sheen on this dull surface. I dont even glisten on the raised surfaces that see the sun. I fall in these cracks and shade myself from the clean air that rises to the top.
I see this majesty. I see the parts that make me happy. And yet dig through the dirt for the answers I dropped.