I woke somethin awful this morning.
I can usually shake clouds and see through raindrops even in heavy storms. Some reason today I was in a headspace that I could NOT GET OUT OF. I couldnt think of anything positive. Couldnt think of anything really. Stuck.
Cut it short.
Not that you would notice.

Im in a shallow plane of existence. I can find hills to cover me, mountains to shade me, oceans to drown me. Yet I'll sit in this valley and let weather pass over me. Dump the rain on one side of me, parch the land on the other. My feet stay dry, because i grow no roots. Id rather lay low, than climb high.

This is bullshit
This is lazy
This is redundant

I hurt everyday from your silence. I no longer cry because of your ignorance. I own this habit. I wear it out, breath it in and taste it in my mouth long after i put you down. I hate you.
I am full. Full of anything but reality that i am getting the respect i deserve from anyone in my life. I have choosen to hold on to hearts that dont love me back. Hands that are too sticky to hold mine, or ears that never once heard me sing.
And now i want to cry.
Little too late for tears.
What am i sad about anyways? You wouldnt allow yourself to get close to me anyways. I wont allow myself to get close to you. This distance is working exactly the way it should. It puts me in the space that i carved for your heart. Ironically im the only one here. Somehow i knew this before, because there is only enough room for me to lay anyway.

We're just waisting time. I think i like that you seem sincere. Think id like to get to know you a little bit more. Not.

I am extremly tired of waiting for response from you.
compleatly disheartened that this is even on my fingertips.
revolted that i fell for blue eyes that really never were that blue.

Do I share my breath with you for shits and giggles?
6 months ago was my heart wrenched out of my chest cavity for your shallow plane of existence?
Sadly yes.
Sourly I despise my hardened heart and try to blame you for the hurt.

I set you up in the cabinet behind the canned goods, so that I couldnt find you when I opened the pantry.
How come im still standing in this damn kitchen with the refrigerator door open and the ice melting?
Good thing you dont melt or freeze.
Solitary.

there will be no regrets when the wolves come. and they will surely come.

so incredulous.
what does it mean when you run your fingers along the lengths of mine. they dont graze my sides.

When you hold your hands up above your heart the blood flow changes. Bring them back down the resting position and i always seem to feel dizzy.  trying to keep my breathing even, im not thinking about where your hands fall. This room is so hot sweat falls to my feet. i can feel it run down my back, if i break this balance i will have to start over. burn. i shake.

I should be sleeping. everything has been folded. and i feel like i was misguided. I got the directions, only turning around once. somehow pulling up to your feet. I cant see your face. just your outline. dark. who are you?
 

Drip off of me.
Fall to floor.
Never to come back. God forbid you do.

Dont ask me where I am; then fall by my wayside. Did I ever hurt you?  Or just slide in.
I know what that means, we know what that means.
Maybe thats what that means.
 

Maybe not.