pieces of pie.

JoeNoir.

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 03:26:47 GMT

So, I guess you were just a stepping stone.

You are trash.

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 03:09:37 GMT

Time to tell me the truth.
To burden your mouth for what you say.

I cant catch a breath these days. Id run you up one side and down the other.
I never got a chance to spit venom in your eyes, and kick in your sides till you coughed.
Not sure what i would do with opportunity now if i had it. Im willing to say Id make a mockery of your shame. But I already know your tail is between your legs.
Run and hide under the coffee table, although you belong outside.

I havent forgiven you.

And im not sure what closure it will take to move past this anger. I blame myself for your misgivings and I find myself crying in turning lanes transfixed by your coldness. I hate you.
Why cant I let this wound heal? Why am I still wanting just a chance to let you have my wrath. Just simple dial tone and your breath on the other line, allowing me to blow your shit to other end of the state. I want to knock the wind out of you so that you have to pull over if your driving, or step outside if your in a quiet room.
I want my words to wrap around your neck so tight your gasping. And then, let go.
release.
All fingers slowly loosen. You are no longer in control.
My last words sting. You feel them when you look at her. You hear them while you lay. You hold them close to your heart.
Because its all thats left.

I havent forgiven you.
I need to forgive myself.

Give me the opportunity to take your ass down. Dont worry I havent forgotten your voice.
It shouldnt matter. And I should let go.

skyline.

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 19:04:21 GMT

Im walking through glacier. Ice surrounds my ankles, its hard to find footing with the only place to put your feet on is slick and cold.
The sun is bearing down. Reflecting off the snow, its blinding. Ive been on this trail for 4 hours now. My legs hurt, my shoulders are burnt. The temperature is cold enough for long sleeves, but im sweating in a tanktop. I hurt in places that i didnt know could hurt.
I can push myself normally. Its something that i strive to do.
6 miles on normal terrain, i think i could find a slow run pace.
Uphill and switch backs make it hard to find my breath.
Where does your mind wander when your only looking at the ground infront of you? Im judging each step trying to find a way past you. over you.

Its all over now.

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 02:32:43 GMT

And if you came here to say you're sorry
for all the pain you couldn't cause
then save your breath and use it
to regain what you have lost
look at the cost....

Corporate can kma

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:40:25 GMT

Dont railroad me asshole.
Im not doing your work plus mine.
plus hers, and hers and his.

You think giving me back what was mine, will suffice?

tell your husband to pay my rent.
thanks.

Runners High.

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 02:40:27 GMT

ran a mile.
broken.
four.
breathing subsides.
calm down.

when im running I go to a place that isnt concentrating on anything other than sustaining.
its amazing how my mind thinks im going to die. My body and lungs litterally clench up.
Im ok though.
Its this mind game we play.
your ok.
your just running.
your not going to die.

push on.
push further
Steady your breathing celia.
Remember to breath.

Im not done thinking the worst of you yet. I still got vigor for you in the dark. And every step I take away from you, every pound I sweat off of me, every smile that rounds my face with out you.... lightens me.
Stay away from my window.
Stay away from my backdoor too.

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 02:19:28 GMT

If someone would had told me you would have...
hurt me so,
used me so,
stepped on me so,
spit on me so,
ranover me so.....

I would have fought for you. Id take them all down, they were all wrong! Your name was up safe on the shelf right beside my heart. I kept you up high and took you out on special occasions admiring your pristine condition and perfectly untouched exterior.
How many times have you let me down?
How many times did I wait in hopes of a different outcome?

I would nod my head and silently agree that yes you were wrong, but our connection was far too special to let go. You dont find that love everyday and you were just a fickle creature that loved me the only way you knew how.
I took you threw the fire and ran water over you to cool the burns you left. Id fix you up everytime, I became triage to your name.

I lived a silent love for you. I never let you go, no matter how many times you let me down. I held on.
Untill i let go.

It doesnt matter the reason or the why. This time was no different than the million that happend before it. It hurt no more or no less. I just didnt want to hold on anymore. Funny how I was the only one holding in the first place. Dropping you doesnt feel like dead weight lifted off my shoulder or a lighter heart. It just feels easier to breath.

"Breathing underwater.
And they tell me to breath easy for awhile"

Ironically these lyrics started our relationship and they followed me for almost two years to fall upon my lips now. But they now end our relationship and hold all new meaning.

So there have been tangles along the way, distrusting hearts and hands too hold to big. Im a runner now. (My only bad habit that I take from you.) But I take many good things too.
I learned how to love myself bymyself
I learned that finding a happy person really is a blessing
I learned that its not wrong to demand more from someone
I learned that I deserve the best
And will take nothing-less.

I have found words in a new heart that make me smile and takes me to places that are blue not black. Eyes of green that see a whole new world. A place with the softest lips and the gentle breath of "care" upon my cheeks. There are castles of brilliant paragraphs built with sentences exchanged in just. And if these walls crumble before they are built, I know that I will be ok. Putting stock in-someone is not risky if you weeded before hand.
Falling blindly in love is treacherous, and dangerous.
Getting hurt is part of the fall, but getting runover is not.

Diggin in the drit to find the places I got hurt. Please stay with me I need support.

this aint no disco

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 03:12:04 GMT

You thought we'd be fine
all these years gone by
now your askin me to listen
well then tell me bout everything
no lies we're loosin time

Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know
but why arent you sorry, why arent you sorry, why?
this can be better, you used to be happy, try!

You've got them on your side
and they wont change their minds
now its over
and im feelin like we've missed out on everything
i just hope its worth the fight

Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call (Why'd you have to let it go)
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know (cant you see you hurt me soo)
but why arent you sorry, why arent you sorry, why?
things could be better, you can be happy, try!

Cause this is a battle
and its your final last call....
it was a trial, you made a mistake, we know(cant you see you hurt me so)
but why arent you sorry, why arent you sorry, why?
~~things could be better, we can be happy, lets try!~~

this is a battle
this is a battle
this your final last call

You cant take that which isnt, isnt, yours, yours.

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 23:35:19 GMT

I'd take you back in if you grovel.
I'd forgive to forget, except I hold grudges.
When you show me affection, I tend to run.
Gently hold my hand, and I'll latch on quick; hold on tight, and I'll start to kick.

be afraid of the lame they'll inherert your legs.
be aftraid of the old they'll inheret your soul.
be afraid of the cold they'll inheret your blood.

After me comes the flood.

truth is.

Fri, 15 May 2009 02:29:25 GMT

fuck you.
fuck you and the white horse you rode in on.
you can ride it the fuck back out, because im FUCKING done with you.

I hope you read this and it makes you cringe for as long as it takes you to read it.
I hope you read this and know that i knew you would read it.
I hope you take this opportunity to never say my name agian.

Truth is i miss you.
Truth is im lying.

I hope you read these lines and they give you hell.

Fuck you.

Think there's something more.....

Tue, 12 May 2009 19:39:14 GMT

I woke somethin awful this morning.
I can usually shake clouds and see through raindrops even in heavy storms. Some reason today I was in a headspace that I could NOT GET OUT OF. I couldnt think of anything positive. Couldnt think of anything really. Stuck.
Cut it short.
Not that you would notice.

Im in a shallow plane of existence. I can find hills to cover me, mountains to shade me, oceans to drown me. Yet I'll sit in this valley and let weather pass over me. Dump the rain on one side of me, parch the land on the other. My feet stay dry, because i grow no roots. Id rather lay low, than climb high.

This is bullshit
This is lazy
This is redundant

I hurt everyday from your silence. I no longer cry because of your ignorance. I own this habit. I wear it out, breath it in and taste it in my mouth long after i put you down. I hate you.
I am full. Full of anything but reality that i am getting the respect i deserve from anyone in my life. I have choosen to hold on to hearts that dont love me back. Hands that are too sticky to hold mine, or ears that never once heard me sing.
And now i want to cry.
Little too late for tears.
What am i sad about anyways? You wouldnt allow yourself to get close to me anyways. I wont allow myself to get close to you. This distance is working exactly the way it should. It puts me in the space that i carved for your heart. Ironically im the only one here. Somehow i knew this before, because there is only enough room for me to lay anyway.

We're just waisting time. I think i like that you seem sincere. Think id like to get to know you a little bit more. Not.

Tue, 05 May 2009 02:10:59 GMT

I never knew nothin' bout lonely, I learned that from you.

You say its all in my head. Because thats your only answer...

Tue, 05 May 2009 01:59:19 GMT

I finally deleted your " love you"
although I do not get to take credit for this deletion, whats done is done.
Its almost liberating, yet confining.
Maybe you did.
Maybe you dont.
Maybe you still do.
~~Maybe you never did.~~
I will never know, you will never tell.

this will always hurt.

You dont know how it feels to be the one who loves the most.

You say you do
You might think you do
but you dont.

Fri, 01 May 2009 01:51:16 GMT

I am extremly tired of waiting for response from you.
compleatly disheartened that this is even on my fingertips.
revolted that i fell for blue eyes that really never were that blue.

Do I share my breath with you for shits and giggles?
6 months ago was my heart wrenched out of my chest cavity for your shallow plane of existence?
Sadly yes.
Sourly I despise my hardened heart and try to blame you for the hurt.

I set you up in the cabinet behind the canned goods, so that I couldnt find you when I opened the pantry.
How come im still standing in this damn kitchen with the refrigerator door open and the ice melting?
Good thing you dont melt or freeze.
Solitary.

there will be no regrets when the wolves come. and they will surely come.

Restless

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 02:18:14 GMT

One night while the whole world was turning
I left you a note
And I told you that I'd always miss you
Then I let you go

unreturned, unanswered. a little relief insight.

I have to have learned somewhere along the line that holding my own heart and bearing its weight isnt always the correct answer. Responsiblity to my own reactions is something that I fully will accept. But I dont deny that I need a careful heart to love and be loved by.
You have been careless for most of this dance. Reguardless of who led, here I stand.

I learned that from you.

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 02:59:20 GMT

So how do you wait for heaven, and who has that much time.
I dont want this time frame, I dont approve of these brackets.
You dont get to insert me into your life where you see fit.

Im SO tired of waking up everyday and realizing that I found this on terms that were not my own.
Tainted and torn. I thought that my worst was laied to rest.
I threw dirt on that coffin.
done and burried. How come i feel like im digging.

If i open up my throat wide enough ill suffocate and choke
my veins ache for oxygen.
I hold my breath for you, im so over you.

This Middle weighs more than a ton.

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 01:47:19 GMT

say yes to pull the trigger.
There are so many reasons why I should not have propelled my feelings in towards you. There are so many reasons why when you touched my hair I should have sat up. There are so many reasons why our embrace never seems to fit. There are so many reasons why I need to keep my distance.

I cant open this up to you. I cant let you have this. I wont let you.
So I will slow this down.
I will back this off.
I will hold this heart high
I will keep my distance.

God, you taught me well. If this is what ive taken from you, thanks. I didnt want this from you. Stand tall. Stand straight. Dont approach. Dont come near.
I'll guard this.

by myself.

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 02:39:07 GMT

The question asked in order
To save her life or take it
The answer no to avoid death
The answer yes would make it

Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
And Cassie pulled the trigger

jeremy spoken.

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 03:51:41 GMT

so incredulous.
what does it mean when you run your fingers along the lengths of mine. they dont graze my sides.

When you hold your hands up above your heart the blood flow changes. Bring them back down the resting position and i always seem to feel dizzy. trying to keep my breathing even, im not thinking about where your hands fall. This room is so hot sweat falls to my feet. i can feel it run down my back, if i break this balance i will have to start over. burn. i shake.

I should be sleeping. everything has been folded. and i feel like i was misguided. I got the directions, only turning around once. somehow pulling up to your feet. I cant see your face. just your outline. dark. who are you?

Some would say wiser.

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 02:21:31 GMT

Drip off of me.
Fall to floor.
Never to come back. God forbid you do.

Dont ask me where I am; then fall by my wayside. Did I ever hurt you? Or just slide in.
I know what that means, we know what that means.
Maybe thats what that means.

Maybe not.

exactly where I left.

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 02:56:05 GMT

a sense of weight upon my heart seems to have fallen to my shoes. It makes my feet heavy to lift, but it feels easier on my souls than on my chest. I know when my tears stain and when they dry. lately they dont fall.
I know that you dont need to find me.
I seem to keep falling upon "lost" lately. I search my dreams in desperation for destination. I sing melodies of "loosing", and consistently feel like i am sifting through thoughts for the ones that dont fall through my hands. This will lead me forth. My direction uknown.
Being ok with that is boiling.
Being comfortable with uncertainty is defining
Being ok is.
Being.

With an upwind facing starboard
I wasn't sure of where to go
And the salt burns my skin
And your eyes were cold as the ocean

This is our day today
Won't you find a way back
To these arms

And we're bound for where we started
With a downwind course through the harbour
And at sunset I was sorry
That this was our day today
This is our day today

Why can't you find a way
Won't you find a way back
To these arms
This is our day today
Won't you find a way back
To these arms

And are we bound for where we started
'Cause the start is where we're bound to end up
The start is where is we're bound
And we're bound to end up where the start's at

And when twilight turned to darkness
I wasn't sure of where to go
And the salt burns my skin
And your eyes were cold as the ocean
This is our day today
Won't you find a way back
To these arms

Why can't you find a way
Won't you find a way back
This is our day today
Won't you find a way back
Find a way back
Find a way back
Find a way back
Find a way back
Find a way back

gabe. your wonderful.

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 06:05:49 GMT

Sublimey42 (12:51:39 AM): im an asshole.

green (12:52:30 AM): me too, we should start a club

Sublimey42 (12:52:58 AM): can we have special shirts?

green (12:53:00 AM): we can call it aa

green (12:53:04 AM): i'm sure no one's thought of that name yet, for anything

green (12:53:18 AM): yea, and we can hand out chips

green (12:53:33 AM): like, i haven't been an asshole in 24 hours chips

Sublimey42 (12:53:39 AM): i think that name might be appropriate for reasons other than our personalities

green(12:53:54 AM): possibly

Sublimey42 (12:54:31 AM): good cuz im awsome at t-shirt design. i own a press. im on it.

Sublimey42 (12:54:42 AM): but your on your own for the chips

green (12:55:03 AM): shit

Sublimey42 (12:56:19 AM): its only on thrusdays calm down you have time.

green (12:56:46 AM): i'm totally not making them

Sublimey42 (12:56:54 AM): fucking asshole.

green (12:57:09 AM): that's right, welcome to the fucking club

Calistoga

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 01:51:43 GMT

When i break this ice between my teeth, the taste lingers a bit too long.
isnt it the temperature that is supposed to resound on your lips longer than the taste as it slides down my throat?
what matters is not that the call is un-returned.
what matters is not that it never will be in the time that i see fit.
what matters is that i still wait for the phone to ring.

that awful tone that i could pick out of a noisy crowd, over a million sirens. I would be able to decipher it and know....
Im missing it.
Im not picking it up, but wishing i could.

This christmas is harbored in thiner walls than ever before. Anywhere you go in this house you can hear whats going on in the next room. Its ire. Sound and smell travel just the same. There are so many windows the temp is drastic. no carpeting except for in the bedrooms. rugs from far lands grace your feet as you walk from arch way to arch way.
This blanket of snow has kept me from wandering.
This blanket of snow surprisingly makes me miss flater land.
This blanket of snow hides what they were scared id uncover.

my heart beats differently.

split ends.

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 02:22:07 GMT

took the time. felt the warmth. need the love.
repress the touch. miss the moment. forgot the need.

Stuck.

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:11:20 GMT

It wouldnt take much for my memory to film over, grow cold if the miles between us numbered in the thousands.
Every time I look at the clock my mind calculates the hours difference between me to you. Its funny how your not even an active participant in my life, just my heart. The control that has over me is astounding.
I tell myself that this mountain range holds the answers of peace that I long to wake up to. Yet im still unsettled as I lay my head on this coast.

I dont want to relate these feelings back to you.
I want to separate.
I want to dissolve into smaller pieces, so that I can filter you out. Right now im too big, so im stuck at the bottom, cant float to the top. Maybe if you wernt so thin, I'd get stuck in the middle, at least that would be more agreeable.
Its probably best that I sink. I perfer solid ground, I'd rather know the mountain I need to climb, than just look at it from this window.